Tips for women, when everything goes wrong 

Excerpt from a real letter to a personal friend, who was in a bad situation:
So, firstly, we will still win. For one reason only, that we will fight to the last.
Secondly, this text is not at all to be touched before the grief that visited you, and not at all for the joint shedding of tears. Not to greet you among the members of the club, which included those who were heavily pressed by life. By no means! Membership in this club should not be proud. On the contrary! Should this membership be ignored! We really refuse membership in the club of losers!
If suddenly and pressed, it is only temporary! After all, this is an example of us that are weak and stupid, ugly and devoid of talent. We are super-human, super-women, super-moms, we can and can do everything! And what we do not know how, we will quickly learn. We are all on the shoulder!
Therefore, all the tears to which we are entitled are exceptionally temporary. We will cry, blow our nose, and surprise everyone else. And the mind, and beauty, and the ability to be terrific in spite of and despite ...
We all will be able to and we will dance at many funerals, including our own. We can not take our own hands! We are the salt of the earth, the rose on the cake, the bow on your own shorts!
We are bragging! We are envious! We laugh as if we never know tears. We cry quietly and only in the circle of proxies. The peasants whom we have chosen can not get over this luck. We are queens! We have learned the very essence. We cook unimaginable dishes. We are unique in sex.
We can do everything! The main thing is to want to remain like that. This is not for everyone. We are called - called from the very birth! We are exceptional, and therefore we have a special demand. We will overcome and survive everything and anything. We'll show them all that we can!
Come on, have a good time, but not for long! Return to the system! I have no doubt that I will soon see your cat's gaze from under the eyelashes. And again I will admire your whole appearance - this is as if an accidental turn of the head. This deflection at the waist. This posture. We can make candy from any shit.
Forward! We will conquer all heights! Break through any barriers!
Forward! You will overcome this ill-fated Monday, and then many more Thursdays and many, many other days and nights. You are from the right tribe - from the kind of winners!
Garbage falling on your head? Get a shovel, and start shoveling it like snow! Before you know it - the problems are no longer a suffocating heap over your face. And look at you - bright-eyed and bushy-tailed again - as if in your 20's - charming and irresistible!

Children ... How much hope we associate with the birth of a newborn! Almost all parents are convinced that the birth of a child will only add to them a sense of happiness. After all, this is usually said: "With the addition of you!" But sometimes the child is born with serious problems and gradually subtracts from the life of the parents all the family happiness without a trace.
How to stop the process, which can nullify the accumulated joy and happiness?
Even healthy children take away a lot from their parents: silence in the house, freedom of movement around the world, peace of mind, not to mention a thin waist about my mother ...
A sick child takes something more - it takes away hope. Gradually, all the aspirations associated with the appearance of the baby disappear. Parents are beginning to be ashamed of the irritation and negative feelings that are experienced in relation to the child. Often they begin to look guilty. And most importantly - convince themselves that happiness turned from them forever. And this is their main mistake!
A person can be happy in almost all circumstances. Of course, it is much more difficult to bring up a sick child, but no burden can deprive a person of the right to happiness. Someone will be stubbornly killed because the child will not become another champion in chess or tennis. Someone will put an end to their happiness if the child does not go to a prestigious university.
And what is in the dry residue? Some zeros in the form of a vainly lived life, from which the person himself deducts his right to happiness.
And what is the difference between a family of a healthy child and a child with developmental disabilities? Yes, nothing - the same household chores - the store is still necessary, and you need to work, and you need to see a doctor with your child. Parents around the world are doing about the same thing, but you can do it without a spark of joy and with heavy weight on your soul, and it's easy and fun. Discard this stone from the soul! Stop seeing in your share some kind of curse or evil fate. Just such a fate fell. And now what? Strike everything else that is in life? As it would be wasteful - to scatter diamonds of happiness due to the fact that he did not win the lottery. Be practical because after all, that you give up everything else, your main negative circumstance will not change. So is it not wiser to gain strength and drag your burden with a smile?
That is why I suggest that you smile, that you are marked from above, as some parents of Downs think, but because you will certainly find the strength to raise such a difficult child. You will be proud of yourself until you cry, when your child takes the first step, far behind the peers. You, for sure, will shed tears when your problem child swam across the pool, holding on to the plank. So let the world see in your eyes only tears of joy! For your family, the conquest of the pool or the slides in the yard is much more expensive than any Harvard.
It is unlikely that someone will come to mind consciously want a sick child, although there are people who voluntarily go to adopt such children. And we do not at all urge you to thank fate for such a heavy burden. We suggest that you look at your life through other points. Stop ceasing to perceive your life as if its only space is filled with only this one circumstance! After all, there is still a whole bunch of problems and luck. We need some kind of co-scale! Handle this problem to some proportional place in your life. An unhealthy child is not your whole life, it's only one of the circumstances of your life. Well, do not get hung up! Do everything you need - study different development methods, go with the child to the pool, talk with the teachers. But do not put a cross on everything else! Meet with your friends! Go to visit! Go in for sports! A sick child is not an excuse for inaction. To give up just because you did not get a winning ticket? No, it's necessary to fight. What for? Yes, because life is not a draft, which can then be rewritten. We live today and now. Do you want to make a choice in favor of broken hopes, in favor of doom, in favor of serving grief? But it's just not even practical! So that's how to take and throw in the trash for the rest of his life? So what, that in your life there is such a difficult circumstance as a child with a deviation in development! Well, that this circumstance adds to you much more worries than all the problems taken together from other parents!

Parenthood is by definition an endless self-giving. A little man comes into your life and demands something infinitely. After all, you voluntarily let him into your life, agreeing to give your heart to a being with whom you were not even acquainted. We at least choose consciously, and at least roughly can predict what kind of our joint life will be with them. A child, in principle, is an absolutely unfamiliar person, whose state of health and mood from the very moment of his birth will affect our well-being. So learn the parental balance - kick the cradle with your foot, and stir the soup with your hand while talking with the doctor, holding the phone tube with your shoulder.
And it does not matter whether your child develops normally or you have a child with developmental disabilities, this is just the background on which your own life unfolds.
Life should be interesting despite any circumstances! We must live happily!

Emily Pearl Kingsley, the mother of a child with Down's syndrome, wrote a story called "Welcome to Holland":
"I am often asked to talk about my experience of raising a child with developmental features to help people who have not experienced this, understand and imagine what it is.
It happens this way.
Waiting for a child is almost like planning a fabulous vacation in Italy. You buy a map and guide, build wonderful plans for what to do and where to go: the Colosseum, the statue of David, the Venetian gondolas ... you even learn a few words and sentences in Italian and are very worried about waiting for impressions. You are looking forward to departure, and now the desired hour comes. Seized by excitement, you collect suitcases, leave the house, and after a few hours your plane lands and the stewardess says: "Welcome to Holland!"
"To Holland?" You ask, "What do you mean in Holland?" We must be in Italy, I've always dreamed of going to Italy "... but the flight program has changed. You are in Holland, and here you will have to stay.
It is important to note that you were not brought to some terrible or disgusting place, enveloped by epidemics, hunger or other diseases. You simply did not arrive where you planned ... Now you need to go out and buy another guide, other maps, learn the words in another language. You meet people you've never seen before. Yes, this is another place. Maybe life here flows a little slower than in Italy, or less grandeur and pomposity. But this is just another place. Slowly you come to yourself, gain more air into your lungs and start looking around. You notice that in Holland there are beautiful mills and wonderful flowers. In Holland there are famous artists. You still continue to meet people trying to get to Italy, or those who describe how wonderful they spent there time. Maybe in the declining years you will say: "Yes, and I, too, should have been where I planned," and probably nostalgia for a broken dream will always accompany you. The main point is that if you spend your entire life mourning the unfulfilled dream, you will never see and rejoice at all the magnificent things that Holland can offer you ... "

No, we do not at all urge you to love your "Holland" just because it is different, not like everyone else. We simply know by experience that if you do not pour your passionate love on a tiny and defenseless being, so needy of your care, those unspent feelings that you try to suppress in your heart will simply crush you. Maternity is an endless and unselfish concern. To be the mother of a distressed child, one simply needs patience stronger and a bigger heart.

My baby has developmental problems

My spouse abandoned me ...

Advice for men and women:

To be abandoned is a difficult moment at any age. In his youth, due to a fragile faith in himself, and in maturity - because of the shaken confidence that was once won from the doubts of youth. In general, a vicious circle. But there is a key!
The key, as always, is in ourselves. Without yourself, without your "I", without your habits, without your sense of humor, no matter how trivial, you can not live. To live without another person, even if he has become a part of you, even if this person has an amazing sense of humor or very beautiful eyes - to live without this person is very difficult at first, but possible.
If someone has left us, the most important thing is to stop living yesterday, when this person was a part of your life. You should stop talking to this person with endless mental disputes, stop figuring out who was more right or wrong. It is very negative for the well-being of bearing plans for revenge. At this point, some people come up with such abominations that after that it becomes difficult for them to respect themselves. The position "he / she has driven me to such baseness" will not save you from remorse in the future. But the future will come, and all your sufferings will remain in the past. We need only accelerate the process of transition from the past to the present.
You should forbid yourself to use all the verbs of the past tense. Think only of the future, of what needs to be done to improve our life today and be happy tomorrow. Do something specific. For myself. Women are advised to borrow money, negotiate with someone to take the child out of school, often see friends who help plan the future, and not mourn for what is no longer there.
To forbid thoughts to creep into the sphere of "the magic of yesterday." It does not exist in reality. "Yesterday" will now exist only in your memory, as a memory, as an unforgettable taste of grandmother's pies. In your joint past, for sure, there was much good, but now life gives you a chance to create something else. The chance that a new life will be better, is exactly 50%. Is this small?
Imagine that you missed the train. After all, you immediately begin to look for the next schedule, right? You will not analyze your attitude to what is no longer relevant. So, that "train" has left. It's sad. It's a shame. But a fact. Let's think about how to go on life further. There will be many more trains. Distances and express trains, suburban electric trains and luxury trains. It will be other trains of a different color; following on other routes. But they will! And if you cling to the only "train" that left without you, then you will remain at the dead end of life, where the trains will soon stop coming.
The person who left you did this for some reason. You have fallen in his life not to the time. He could not appreciate your love and devotion. Did not appreciate the scarf you tied or bought diamonds. Prove nothing is impossible, because this person sees the world from a different angle and does not want to stay where he was with you yesterday. He is not bad and not good, he is removed at a cosmic speed and better to wave after him ..
After all, your life goes on without him. It's already a day, a week, a month, and your life goes on. It continues with its joys and problems. It is necessary to pay for an apartment. It is necessary to put a kettle.
Your life goes on! And this is the key. And your life needs your participation in it. She runs ahead! Your companion / companion was left at the flashing station. Keep in memory all the good that is associated with this person. But do not expect that life will turn around, and the past will replace the present. Relocate your forces. Transfer energy forward! Plan your future obstinately! It will still surprise you!